i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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