Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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