I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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