I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
