Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
