Ketchup is God's man juice
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He did a backflip because drugs
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