Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
