I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
