Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
