one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
