I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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