i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think my nap took me to another dimension
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
