Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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