just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
