You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
