I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
