I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
