Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful