you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
