My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Couch. On fire.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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