i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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