even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize