What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
