Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
