They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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