Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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