I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
