tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize