I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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