Do you still have your period?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
