I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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