I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
ok first of all what the fuck
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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