we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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