why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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