I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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