You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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