I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
