Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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