He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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