i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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