I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
