WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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