Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
