HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
