I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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