My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize