So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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