Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
