We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
