Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
