I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
