So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
