shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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