I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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