chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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