im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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