Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
