Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize