Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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