You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
