On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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