Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
