This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you will always have a special place in my vag
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
