Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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