just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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