Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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