She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
