I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
