The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
