I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
