So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize