I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
