Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
