Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
