Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My feet surprised me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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