Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Shame - the story of my life.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
