i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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