well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
