Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
