So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
