you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
