You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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