i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
