I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
