he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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