good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
