i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
