Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
