Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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