What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
