so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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